[RERUN] EPISODE 87: The ‘Death, Destruction and Damnation’ World Tour Reaches Florida

"I answered him that… I, as Captain-General of these provinces, was waging a war of fire and blood against all who came to settle these parts and plant in them their evil Lutheran sect... For this reason, I would not grant them a safe passage, but would sooner follow them by sea and land until I had taken their lives." Captain Pedro Menendez de Aviles

“Finding they were all Lutherans, the captain-general ordered them all put to death; but, as I was a priest, and had bowels of mercy, I begged him to grant me the favor of sparing those whom we might find to be Christians. He granted it; and I made investigations, and found ten or twelve of the men Roman Catholics, whom we brought back. All the others were executed, because they were Lutherans and enemies of our Holy Catholic faith. All this took place on Saturday, September 29th, 1565.” Father Francisco Lopez

Today’s story is packed with pirates, mutineers, and scores of people killing each other in the name of Jesus. I’m willing to bet that if I were to tell you that this episode will focus on the people who came to the area that would become U.S. to flee religious conflict in Europe and create a society according to their version of Christianity, most of you would think of the Pilgrims and Plymouth Rock in 1620, or perhaps Jamestown in 1607. But those are not the people I’ll be speaking about today. Our story is indeed about the first Protestants in North America but it predates the Pilgrims stepping off the Mayflower by 56 years, and the settling of Jamestown by 43 years. This is the tale of the first religious conflict between European nations within the boundaries of what will later become United States. Catholic Spaniards and French Protestants square off in Florida in the 1560s, when the European wars of religion do a brief stop in the Americas as part of their ‘death, destruction and damnation’ world tour.

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EPISODE 85: The Siege That Changed All of History

“I cut off their heads. I burned them with fire. With their blood I dyed the mountain red like red wool. Men I impaled on stakes. The city I destroyed, devastated… the young men and maidens I burned in the fire.” — Ashurnairpal II

“I filled the wide plain with the corpses of his warriors…. These [rebels] I impaled on stakes. …A pyramid of heads I erected in front of the city.” — Salmaneser III

“Don’t let Hezekiah mislead you by saying, ‘The Lord will rescue us!’ Have the gods of any other nations ever saved their people from the king of Assyria? 19 What happened to the gods of Hamath and Arpad? And what about the gods of Sepharvaim? Did any god rescue Samaria from my power? 20 What god of any nation has ever been able to save its people from my power? So what makes you think that the Lord can rescue Jerusalem from me?” — Isaiah 36:18-20

History is a fickle beast. Some events may not seem like much at the time when they happen, but they end up radically shaping all events afterwards. For example, had just one event turned out different—an event largely forgotten today, such as the siege of Jerusalem in 701 BCE—and all of history would have changed. If the siege had ended in the way everyone expected it to end, Judaism would have disappeared from the pages of history, and Christianity and Islam would have never been born. Can you imagine how different the world would be if you were to remove the entire history of the three main monotheistic religions?

In this episode we’ll tackle this greatest of ‘what ifs.’ In the process of doing so, we’ll discuss the origins of Western monotheism, Assyrian culture, Hebrew legends, the Assyrian protection racket, the clash between monotheistic Hebrews and polytheistic Hebrews, how the Assyrians turned 10 of the tribes of Israel into the “lost tribes”, committing ‘suicide by Assyrian’, the destruction of Lachish, what may have happened in Jerusalem in 701 BCE, and much more.